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Dear Dad,
Remember when I was a little girl?
I prayed to God every night to give you peace.
He did not listen.
For there you were as ever,
Drinking your sanity away.
I’d pull the pillow over my head
And cry myself to sleep,
With no one to kiss me goodnight.
I was only 10 daddy,
Alone and paranoid.
You should have known!

Dear Dad,
Remember when I was in middle school?
I prayed to God everyday to make you care.
He did not listen.
Instead of guidance,
I was taught curses.
Instead of affection,
I was fed violence.
And instead of innocent joys,
My nightmares multiplied.
You scarred my little heart beyond repair
When I should have been crying over bruised knees.
You should have known.

Dear Dad,
Remember when I was in high school?
I prayed to God to make you see the anger
Gnawing away at my soul.
He did not listen.
For how could you even see?
With your bloodshot eyes
That only saw the bottle in your hand.
So I took to drugs daddy,
To get back at you.
I found my way to ease the pain
But I could not find my way to you.
So much for a little attention!
You should have known.

Dear Dad,
Remember when I got into college?
I was glad to get away from you.
So far away!
Out of sight, out of mind. I thought.
How was I supposed to know,
That there’s no running away from heartaches.
Like a ghost it followed…
Until I took a final stand,
And let my life drain out of me.
I didn’t mean to come back daddy
But they stitched me back to life.
Oh what a mess I was in!
You should have known.

Dear Dad,
Remember when I first fell in love?
I fell for another one of your kind..
I say, your doppelganger
Who fed on my blood
Till my face grew pale as the Moon
And my heart cold as Death.
The prayers stopped,
My faith snapped.
How could God be any different
When the first man to break my heart
Was my own father?

Dear Dad,
Remember when you left me?
Without even a goodbye?
I begged and prayed to all the gods there may be,
To let me see you one last time,
To let me have you one more day,
So I could hear you say ‘I love you’ for once.
But you mean, mean man!
You left me to drown in my misery.
And along with you, they buried all that was left
Of my heart.

Dear Dad,
Can you see me from where you are now?
I have never set foot on the ground
Where you sleep in peace.
No, I don’t want to know!
My knees betray me when I think of you
Lying in some dark abyss
All alone.
I’m not strong daddy. I’m aching.
You’ve left me enough grief to last a lifetime.
And a thousand complaints,
And a thousand regrets.
I’m not done with you yet.
You should know.

Dear Dad,
I’m 21 now.
21 years without your love!
And the day will come soon
When I walk down the aisle
Without you by my side…
And as always, be deprived
Of our first dance too.
Do you wonder if that will kill me?
Well daddy, you have killed me already.
One more time or one hundred,
It won’t matter anymore.
You should know.

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3 thoughts on “Dear Dad

  1. Mimi, you are amazing!
    I can’t hold back my tears as I read your poem. Love all of them.
    I know you when you were lil girl , beautiful and sturburn !!
    I hope to meet you someday n be your friend n aunty again.
    Love you!
    Aunty ayophy

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