My heart fluctuates constantly between feeling too much and feeling numb. There is no median. No halfway. My feelings are either violently raging like the stormy sea waves or tired like a placid lake.
And I’m not sure which is worse.
Sometimes the entire universe gets sucked into my black hole eyes, leaving me dazed and breathless. Sometimes the tranquil ocean stirs up a tornado in my heart, bringing all dormant emotions to life. Sometimes the starry sky seems to me like a sea of songs, enchanting me to tears. Then there are times when I can hear the Moon whispering to me stories of all the love made and lost underneath its silvery light. Times when I don’t fit into the day, but dissolve into the night like two galaxies colliding and merging into one. Times when Chaos breaks down into complete sense that even my hideous scars look like poetry, carved deep into my bones.
In the end, this emotional mayhem leaves me gasping, overwhelmed and worn out. Until I finally find myself drifting into the pit of emptiness, where my heart goes numb and my mind gets dangerously close to oblivion. There I struggle with words for days on end in a desperate attempt to explain the aching void inside of me, only to end up realising that there is no way of describing it better than a blank page.
They say this innate sadness of my soul will someday be the death of me. But how gut wrenchingly dull would it be if I had eyes that cannot see the gray, a heart that knows no exquisite pain, a mind that does not wander off into dark unknown realms, and a life without poetry!